On Eighth Birthdays And The Stuff Of World Changers

Well, today you turned eight years old and on birthdays we mommas remember.  We go back to that day when we first laid eyes on our babies and remember how our world changed.

You changed our world for the better with your handsome smile and belly laughter and unbridled enthusiasm.  With your ability to keep us laughing and all your curious questions and your deep sensitivity to the heart of God and compassion for others.

There is a light in you, Trevor!  You have given your heart and life to Jesus.  I believe you have a God given destiny and purpose, that you will grow up to be a man who will in some way have changed his world for Jesus Christ.  

I believe you are a world changer.

When you were just a little guy, the two of us had this thing we did.  After teeth were brushed and bedtime prayers were said and lights were turned out, you would scoot over in your bed to make room for momma and say in that small voice that couldn't quite get all the right sounds out, "Wet's talk about fings!" 

So talk about things we would!

I would ask you question after question.  No matter that you had answered the same questions the night before! I would ask about your favorite color, your favorite food, your favorite Bible story, your favorite song.  Some of the answers remained the same and others varied over time, but these bedtime conversations gave me such insight into who you were.  You would always delight at the chance to be known and heard (not to mention stay up a few minutes later).

Over time, early school mornings made for less lingering at bedtime and those particular conversations now happen more infrequently. But every once in a while I'll still crawl in next to you and your Florida Gator pillow pet and hear about all your favorites.

The other night you were sick and as I kept late night watch to see if the fever stayed down, out of the dark I heard your voice, now more mature..."Let's talk about things!" So talk we did.

You still like blue and you still like doughnuts though you were craving nachos (with a fever?) and your current favorite song is "We Believe" (which I love hearing you sing word for word from the backseat) and right now your new favorite Bible character is Paul.

Oh really, why is that?

"Because," you answered, "even though he was shipwrecked and thrown into jail,

 he still held on."

I caught my breath. Yes, son, he did. Because you see, that's the thing about world changers.  That's the thing about the Pauls and the Nehemiahs and the Noahs and the Josephs and the Johns and the Daniels and the Trevors of this life. 

When the world around them seems to be spiraling out of control, when they face obstacles and opposition, when others sell out and let go, they hold on. They hold on to the promises of God, they hold unwaveringly to the Word of God, they hold tightly to the heart of God.

I believe great things for you, Trevor, because I believe in a great God who is alive in your heart and life!  I believe you can grow to be a mighty man of God and serve Him all the days of your life! I see this desire in your heart.  We pray for this as a family each night at bedtime.  We pray believing.

So hold on, my son.

Today and as you grow, hold onto God and the things of God.

You see, He is already holding onto you! He loves you so very deeply.

And so does Momma.

Happy Birthday, Trevor! Thank you for changing my world.

What Love Does

Four generations of women walked down that sunny hallway together, the two in the middle pushing the youngest and oldest along.  The oldest looked back from her wheelchair to the baby in the stroller and quipped, "See, when you get older you get to have a ride too!"

It was a cheerful moment as sunlight streamed through the windows, one that didn't tell the whole story of how dark shadows have fallen on the oldest mother's mind and how age is crippling her body.  Of the struggles and private pain her daughter has gone through as the roles have reversed over the past several years.  Or how the oldest mother now often refers to her daughter as "Momma."

It's an interesting thing, this matter of love.  When it is lived out it can be painful. Love doesn't just push wheelchairs and strollers down hallways, it has to push through the times in this life that seem unbearable. The times when you honestly aren't sure if you are going to make it. When you don't feel like you can do it.

Love, I have learned, often has to show up before the feelings do.

I am often concerned for what our world thinks love is.  In our fame and celebrity obsessed culture, I fear we have begun to think the red carpet has to be rolled out for us for every single thing we do.  That love has everything to do with "feeling" elevated, worthy, attractive, the center of attention, or whatever we desire to feel rather than being something we actually do.  That love supposedly has something to do with self-centered quotes and lists that are posted and reposted all over social media, instead of about laying down self for someone else.

Let me tell you, the real stuff of life and love is not found on the red carpet or internet memes.  It is found in the corridors of rehab facilities and hallways of homes.  It is found in the changing of diapers and Depends, in sickness and health, in adversity and prosperity, in families gathered around dinner tables and hospital beds, in laughing until you cry and laughing because if not, you are going to cry.

It is being willing to do hard and holy and humble and habitual things.

Being willing to do the mundane.

And eventually finding joy in it ~ or choosing joy when you can't seem to find it!

Love is generations embracing the beauty of life, but staying together in the pain of life.

Wrinkled hands holding onto fresh, new skin.

Husbands and wives holding onto each other in good times and bad.

Parents holding tight then gradually letting children go.

And one day children doing the same with parents.

This cycle of life, what a miraculous, beautiful, painful, amazing thing it is.  The collision of beauty and pain is what makes it all so very real.  We can't love without laughing and we can't love without hurting.

But in laughter and pain and all the in between, we can show up. Even if we have to show up before our feelings arrive. Choose love. Do hard things.  Lay ourselves down for someone else.  And not need credit for every single thing we do.  We can be willing to do the thankless work that needs to be done because we know this life, this unhemmed, complicated, beautiful life, is temporary.  So we must serve with eternity in mind.  And we must try to love like the Creator and Sustainer of our souls.  Like the Author of our lives.

The One who really knows of love as sacrifice.

That daughter, she washes her mother's feet on Saturdays.  She has done this on good days, and she has done this on the hard days when she didn't really feel like it because the challenges of a confused mind have caused frustration or conflict. Knelt low and washed those bent and arthritic feet simply so they will be clean and fresh, not knowing that all the while her own daughter has been watching and seeing glimpses of Jesus in this.  She has felt guilty on the hard days, not realizing she has taught her daughter an even greater lesson; that love perseveres, it pushes past feelings to action and serving, even bending low when many would walk away.

Now her daughter will teach this to her daughters.  And pray they teach this to their daughters.

So future generations will continue to walk down the halls of life together.

Dear Madi {As You Turn Nine And Head One Year Further Into Womanhood}

Dear Madi,

I have not written here in far too long.  But I could not let April end without writing to you during this your birthday month.  I have been thinking about you a lot these days since you turned nine, your last year in "single digits" as you told me!

As usual, we celebrated with breakfast and cinnamon rolls and fun surprises wrapped in paper and glimmering in the morning sunlight.  I brought ice cream cups - and your new baby sister, as you requested - to your third grade class on your birthday. Grammie gave you a beautiful family dinner and a perfect bag of surprises, and there was that fun day when we went shopping to spend the gift cards you were given.  Your gift from us and our final celebration - our "girls getaway" overnight trip with your BFF - was a blast!  We had so much fun in the sun!

But what I wanted to tell you was how much I love you.  How beautiful you are, and how radiant, and what an amazing person you are becoming.

How you are at this wonderful age with a beautiful mix of little girl and maturing young lady.  Still innocent, yet wise.  Carefree, yet intuitive.  Still dressing like a princess and having a room full of dolls, yet also into fashion and style and shopping and ipods and, of course, the ever popular Rainbow Loom.

This is a fun time in your life!  It is a fun time for us together.

You are smart and successful at school and other activities, but I've never heard you boast of such.  You take your gifts in stride and I love that about you.  You are faithfully involved at church.  You are one of the kindest, happiest girls I know.  I admire that kindness.  You are a friend to all, able to interact with adults, helpful with little ones.  You were already a great big sister to your brother, and now you are becoming an absolutely amazing big sister to your baby sister!  I can only imagine how much she is going to look up to you as she grows.  She has a wonderful example to follow.

I want you to know that though I don't always get this mothering thing right, I am committed to trying with all that is in me.  We have so much fun together as a family!  But while I enJOY being a mom to the fullest, I also take motherhood very seriously.  I pray for God's wisdom and ask for forgiveness when I get it wrong.  You are so full of love and forgiveness when I need it.  And I am grateful for the times when we get it right.  When we choose words carefully.  When we make choices that honor God.  When we laugh so hard that you start to hiccup. Oh, how I love that!

I also want you to know some important things that will help you as you grow.  I was talking to Daddy about this passionately the other morning.  There are some major transitional years heading your way.  And Madi, I so desire for you to grow and mature in God confidence.  I want you to clearly know who you are and Whose you are.  The world is filled with insecure girls who grow into insecure teenagers who turn into insecure women.  These insecurities manifest themselves in very damaging ways, yet there is a better way...God's way.  I hope and pray that you will grow up confident in Christ alone and grounded in His Word.  You don't have to chase the same image or things the world does.  Don't become consumed with self. Remember, all that glitters isn't gold.  And all that seemingly promises fulfillment often comes up empty.  But in God's presence is fullness of joy!

I want you to enJOY your abundant life in Christ, free from the trap of insecurity that holds so many in bondage!  I want you to keep your enthusiastic, positive spirit!  I want you to avoid the negativity and apathy that so many fall into along the way.  I want you to be so in love with Christ that your desire is to please Him first!  I want you to care more about what God thinks than what your peers think!  There will always be critics. There will always be someone who is better than you at something, or who is jealous of you for something, or who resents you for some reason, or even someone who is just plain mean to you for no reason at all.  Don't get caught up in all that!!  Keep your focus on Christ and serving others!  At times this narrow path can seem lonely.  But it is also where true freedom and joy and peace and fulfillment are found!  It is okay to be different.  Know we are always, always here for you along the way.  We are on this same journey.  To know Christ better and be found in Him, shining brightly for His glory alone, trying to further His Kingdom and bring Him praise, enjoying to the fullest every one of His gracious blessings along the way.  God's way works and it is good and the life He offers is truly abundant.

That is what I want for you as you continue to grow from little girl to young woman. This is what I am praying for you.  Because if you are in Christ and live according to His Word, the rest will come together.  I promise...pinky promise!

Madi - my first little love - thank you for who you are and the joy you bring to our family and to so many!  Your radiant, dimpled smile comes from deep within.  Jesus is evident in your life already!  I pray you continue to grow in Him and that being nine years old will be a fabulously fun year filled with the best of memories!

I love you more than you will ever know.

Mommy

"My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident.

No wonder I can sing your praises!"

Psalm 57:7 (NLT) 

And Just Like That, You Are Seven

Well, I did it.

I blinked.

They said not to.  But I did and sure enough, just like that, you are seven.

You were my autumn baby, born on a cold October morning in Maryland where the leaves outside our hospital window were brilliant shades of yellow, orange, and red. You were so sweet, handsome and boyish even as a newborn. You changed my life. You have been such a joy!

You are changing before my eyes ~ your once squishy face thinning out, your legs getting longer and knees knobbier.  But you are still so sweet, so handsome, such a boy.

We have enjoyed celebrating you this week!  Even as I sit and type this there are orange and blue streamers hung around the house, leftover birthday cake sits in the kitchen, and you are on the floor admiring new presents and toys.

And as I look at you, my brand new seven year old, I just wanted to tell you a few things.

First is that I love you.  I love you so much more than is possible to put into words. I love you so much it hurts at times.  You are a part of me.  You are one of God's absolute greatest gifts to me. You are His, and sometimes I stand in awe that He is willing to share you with me.  I love you for who you are, I love who you are becoming, and I love being your mom. Even on hard days and when I don't do a good job, there is no greater gift or privilege than being your mom.  I want you to know that.

Second is that I like you.  I like how you are an amazing reader and devour biographies and chapter books.  I like your joyful sense of humor and adorable way of putting things.  I like your infectious laugh and hilarious dance moves and endless curiosity.  I like that you are respectful and kind to others. I like that you can build complicated Legos all by yourself and that you memorize your Bible verse for Sunday School every week and that you want to spell all the words correctly on your schoolwork even though you don't have to.  You are a great kid.

Third is that I know you.  I know how faithfully you pray for the people you know are sick or hurting.  I know your deep compassion for others.  I know how you are part entertainer, part shy guy.  I know how you run into my arms when you see me at school.  I know that you sometimes kiss me on my nose and that you love anything chocolate and that you fall asleep to music and sometimes need one more hug or kiss before drifting off to sleep.  I know you get excited about the little things and absolutely love holidays ~ those are things we share.

Fourth is that I pray for you.  Every day.  All throughout the day.  For your safety and protection.  For your health.  That you will make good choices.  That you will be respectful.  For your spiritual growth.  That you will love Jesus with all your heart and serve Him all the days of your life.  That you will grow to be a mighty man of God. That God will provide you with a virtuous woman for a wife one day.  That God will give me wisdom as I mother you.  I have prayed for you since the moment I knew about you, and will always, always pray for you.  

Last is that I am here for you.  Always.  We are in this thing together.  We have both made mistakes, and will both make more mistakes.  But we are learning together.  And we are held by the Creator of the universe.  He holds us, Trevor!  And I believe He will hold our family together as we daily surrender our lives to Him.  I believe His Word, I trust in His promises.  That makes me excited for what is to come, for what He is going to do in your life!  His hand is on you, that much I know.  And I can't wait to see what He does in and through you.  

Happy 7th Birthday, Trev!  You are such a little light.  I thank God every day for you.

The Morning Madi and Trev Made Me A "Thomas Muffin"

I had the sweetest morning.  Before I share it, I want to clarify that this is not our typical school morning!  Our mornings start in the dark and we have to be at school early, even earlier on the days I teach.  Even though I do my best to stage and prep everything from uniforms to backpacks to lunches the night before, it can still be hard to get my troops (and myself) out of bed!  

The last two mornings have been different though.  Yesterday I was still hitting snooze on my alarm when two excited little 1st and 3rd graders ran in my room and yelled, "Surprise!!!"  They had already gotten themselves up and dressed before I had even come in to wake them, and were awfully pleased with themselves!  I made a big deal out of how responsible that was and what a nice morning we had because of what they did.

This morning I was about to get up to wake them when it happened again - they ran in squealing, pleased as punch that they were already up and fully dressed.  There were smiles and whispers, then instructions that I was to stay in my room.  I heard noises in the kitchen and let them do their thing.  At one point Trevor popped his cute little face in and informed me, "Mommy, I'm using your toaster to make you a Thomas Muffin." 

A "Thomas Muffin." Seriously -  melt my heart.  I love his Trevorisms!

A few moments later the door burst open and in came Madi and Trev, proudly serving me breakfast in bed.  Orange juice, cereal, and a Thomas' English Muffin, all displayed on one of my little trays.  They even put honey butter on the English Muffin because they "noticed you like that."  "Homemade by us!" Trevor exclaimed as they delivered my breakfast.  

Best breakfast I think I've ever had.

This motherhood thing can be a tough gig.  Many mornings we feel like we have to nag and rush and rush and nag.  We don't start the day like we had hoped.  We wish it had gone better.  We try to redeem it on the way to school or when they come home.  But these moments....these "Thomas Muffin"moments...these are the moments you tuck away in your heart forever.  These are the moments you know motherhood is an exquisite gift.

And you eat your muffin and soggy cereal, and drink your mug of orange juice, knowing nothing in the world could be better.

Good Gifts

We have a surprise planned for our children this weekend.  An opportunity caught my eye, I looked into the details, and God provided.  Jimmy and I were talking earlier today about how excited we are to surprise them tomorrow.  Why?  Because they are our children and we love them!  And it's a joy to spend time with them and do something special for them, because they are special to us!

This morning's Bible study took me to Matthew 7:11 where Jesus says, 

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

The other afternoon I was driving to school to pick up Madi and Trev and my heart felt full to overflowing.  I was talking to God out loud in the van, just thanking Him for all the gifts He has blessed us with.  I was struck by so many little details that reflect His love and intimate concern for us.  When I read that passage from Matthew this morning, I realized that He delights in blessing us, just as we get so much joy from blessing our children.  Why?  Because we are His children and He loves us!

One of the passages I put around my relationship with Jimmy when we first started dating was James 1:17...

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."

I am so thankful for the good and perfect gifts from my Father in heaven.  I am blessed to know He delights in giving good gifts to His children.  I delight in blessing my own children, hopefully being a reflection to them of His love and care.  I look forward to this weekend, knowing the surprise we have for them is ultimately from Him.  He is the giver of all good things.  And oh, how I thank Him!

These Things He Says

He's growing up on me, but he still says the most precious things.  He's always had a unique way with words, and often the adorable or profound will come out of nowhere.

Like two weeks ago when we were driving home from youth group.  Jimmy was in his car and the kids and I were making our way around the lake in our old van when out of the blue my son says, "I just love Daddy.  Mommy, you picked a good husband."

I had to agree.  I am ever so thankful for the man who leads our family on this journey. I appreciate more than ever his kindness, integrity, faithfulness, and unwavering love and commitment to God and our family.  I am beyond grateful for the godly husband and father his little eyes are watching.  I sure am glad I "picked" him ~ and that he picked me!  God has been so gracious.

Several weeks ago we had tucked in covers and said prayers and I had barely left the room when my little guy called me back in.  "What do you need?" I asked.  
"I just need to snuggle you because you're my mom.  And I want to snuggle
 God in my heart."

What he doesn't know is how tightly I want to hold on.  Or how thankful I am that he is in the grip of Grace.  Or how much I pray he will always cling to God with all his might, and "snuggle Him" forever in his heart.

I want to remember these things he says because no one says them quite like him.
He has a view of God and life and love all his own ~ it is unfiltered and pure and a breath of fresh air to my soul.

I Helped Madi Make A Tutu For A Water Bottle

Before I became a mom, I would have never guessed that would one day be in my job description.  But sure enough, when Madi's second grade reading class was assigned Biography Bottles, she chose Maria Tallchief, America's first major prima ballerina and first Native American to hold that rank.  So make a tutu for a water bottle we did!

We also made Saturn for her planet project.

And did all that stuff I was telling you about the other day and more.

Now there are four days left.

I'm volunteering all day tomorrow then subbing two out of the final three, so this home stretch is bound to fly by.

I am so ready!!

I can't wait to just enjoy my kids.  

Stop rushing them out the door and hopefully stop nagging so much.

I am tired of hearing my own voice drone on and on about agendas, homework, uniforms, signatures, forms, bedtimes, etc.  (When did I start sounding like that?)

We have had the best school year!  I cannot say enough about their teachers, their school, their progress.  God has generously blessed above and beyond.  We could not have asked for more!

It's just time.

And I'm excited to be home more and say yes more and start slow and end late and just take in the sight and sound of these people I love.

Four more days.

Summer, we are almost ready for you!

Super Tired ~ Greetings From The Month Of May

I was subbing in 2nd grade last week when I saw a mom wearing a t-shirt that read...

Super Wife

Super Mom

Super Tired

It made me laugh out loud right then and there!

Because it's the very merry busy month of May and I know most of us can relate! Okay, it's merry too.  It really is. But I go into May each year knowing it's going to be a whirlwind as we make our way down the home stretch of the school year.  It's a busy time not only at school, but at church and within the community.  We've had a dance program, art fair, music concert, volunteer breakfast, youth group gathering, and two reading ceremonies.  We still have field day and water day and a biography project to finish and a planet project to start and a pool party and senior breakfast and senior awards and a ladies meeting and this Sunday my husband speaks at the baccalaureate ceremony for the local high school.

I'm sure I'm missing something.

Oh yes, that field trip.

These are the weeks I am thankful for frozen pizza and stir fry, Subway sandwiches and parents who run down emergency toilet paper when it gets desperate over here, grace upon grace and finding clean socks for Trev, even if they are mismatched.

It's a season.

A wonderful, full, exhausting one.

I am watching my kids grow and flourish right before my eyes.  It is unbelievable.

I am ending my days feeling like I can hardly keep my eyes open (though this terrible sinus infection I've been fighting is not helping).

I am snapping photos so we can look back and remember these celebrations and ceremonies one day when they grow up and our calendar has more empty spaces.

Amidst this full calendar my husband and I carved out a day to sit side by side, talk face to face, and breathe. Intentional marriage takes planning, and sometimes flexibility (our original date day was changed as we were needed at a funeral).  God gave us an exquisite day at the beach, not a cloud in the sky!  He so generously and graciously restores our souls.

And next weekend we have a surprise planned for the kids. I've been holding it in for weeks now and can hardly stand it!  There are more fun memories to be made and I cannot wait!  Don't you just love surprises?!  I know Madi does - she let me know on Mother's Day.  The famous Miss Sandi at church made these with her students on Mother's Day morning.  It was one of the nicest gifts I have ever received!  Very interesting to see through the eyes of your child what they love and appreciate about you.

So to all you other super moms super tired moms (or teachers) out there making your way through May, I have three words of encouragement to leave you with...

Summer is coming!!!

First On My List

Trevor has always had a very unique way with words.  I know through the years I've shared many of his notable quotables that were either tender or hilariously funny.  He's always had his own little way of viewing the world and putting thoughts into words that I love, and I've often laughed at and learned from his one of a kind statements.

Monday night held one of his precious moments.  I had already tucked him into bed and settled in my green chair when he called me in for one more hug.  When I squeezed him tight I told him for the thousandth time that he is my favorite little boy in the whole wide world.

He responded with this Trevorism that I never want to forget.

"But God is first on your list, right?"

Oh, child.  Yes.  Yes, God is "first on my list," and He makes all the difference.  I would be hopeless apart from Him.  There is nothing like having your soul anchored on the Rock of Ages, your life and family built on that solid foundation.  Jimmy's and my greatest desire is that our children would make God the highest priority of their lives, that they would live each and every day for Him.

That He would be first on their list, as someone wise once said.

Trevor, I love you.  God has used you to change my life.  He really has.

A Snapshot From The Blurry Years

I have been thinking about an old photo from a season I affectionately call The Blurry Years, and found it the other night.  I've been in an old photo sort of mood, probably because Madi recently turned eight and birthdays make me nostalgic.  

Why do I refer to this season as The Blurry Years?  In April of 2005, I had an unexpected C-section at 36 weeks pregnant because of a very serious condition called HELLP Syndrome.  We had a rough start, this beautiful baby Madi and I, and just when we were getting the hang of things I found out I was having another baby.  I remember we waited until her first birthday to share the news. It was Easter time and I sang 5 nights in a Passion Play, praying each time I got up for my song that I wouldn't throw up because my morning all day sickness was so bad.  I remember being so sick the day of her Little Einstein 1st birthday party.  Six and half months later our handsome Trevor entered the world, and this time the C-section was routine.  But he had severe (let me re-emphasize severe) acid reflux and I was sick a lot his first year, with symptoms randomly mimicking those of malaria according to several doctors (wish I was joking).  We made it through his season of crying and projectile vomit and my season of spiking 104 degree fevers, flu-like symptoms, and other health issues. Then two days before his first birthday, we made a major move from familiar Maryland to our new life in Florida, which would prove to be a defining and refining time in our lives.

We were building a home so we lived in a lovely rental house for the first ten months of our time in Florida; however, this house was completely out of the way from everyone and everything we were involved with.  I spent most days by myself with the kids, surrounded by boxes since we didn't want to fully unpack, knowing we would soon be moving again.  In the rental we conquered potty training which meant we were down to only one child in diapers, and moved Madi from the crib to the big girl bed.  We swam in the beautiful pool, baked and decorated cookies, made our first Disney visits, played in a new playhouse on the back porch that Santa delivered, snuggled up with paci's and favorite books and videos.  It was a sweet time with my two precious babies - but when I try to remember it, things are blurry around the edges.  It's hard for me to recall details of that season.  God was teaching me to thrive amidst the changes and challenges and my new role as mother of two, but there were days when I was just plain trying to survive.  

The reason I share The Blurry Years with you?

Because I know from the feedback I get that many who read this small blog are moms of little ones.  Many of you are living your own blurry years. You are women in the season of nursing and diapers and tantrums and first steps and baby giggles and reading the same books over and over and new adventures and major life changes. You are learning to embrace the God-given role of mothering, a role that will both tear your heart wide open and make you bubble over with laughter like no other.

Now back to the photo...

I love this photo for so many reasons.

*the penguin Christmas socks our friend Jeannie gave me that date this photo as taken in December, 2006, the month of our worst Christmas ever

*that it was taken in our first home, a sunny little townhouse where we laid the foundation for our marriage and family

*the paper decorated with stickers on the table, and the one lone sticker stuck to the table

*the I'm a Big Sister book on the ground I had been reading with the new big sister in our house 

*Madi's comfy Nick and Nora lamb pj's my mom bought for her, and how that girl would have stayed in her pj's all day if I had let her (and some days did)

*that Madi is holding Ellie, who was a very important pink elephant in our home

*the random roll of toilet paper strewn across our carpet

*the fact that when I turned my back to tend to baby Trevor, Madi tried to help herself to a bowl of Cheerios

*the fact that not one Cheerio made it into the bowl, but the remainder of the whole box made it onto Trevor's baby blanket

*that even though my blurry world was spinning, before I cleaned up the mess I stopped to take a photo, so I know I was still me even though it's hard to remember

*that we made it

And so will you, dear mom.

Survive, but let God gently teach you how to thrive.

Hang on, but let go and enjoy.

Take a deep breath, but take time to exhale.

And grab the camera, because one day it's going to help you remember.

Man, I Feel Like A Woman {And Starfish}

There is this new Ariel ride at Disney, and a few months ago in the midst of an incredibly busy season, a couple girlfriends and I rode it during a preview day while our kids were in school.

When we entered the room where the sea creatures dance under the sea, there were all these colorful starfish with super happy, smiling faces on the walls. And these starfish, they would just spin round and round and round and round, never stopping, just spinning.  I sort of laughed to myself and made the comment to my friend that these days I feel like those starfish, spinning and spinning from one thing to another. She looked at them and said, "Hey, at least you're still smiling!"

(Photo credit: Google images)

But really, it's the rhythm of womanhood, this constant spinning from role to role, and honestly it can be exhausting but sometimes it's just plain amazing and you have to laugh when you think of all a day can hold for a woman.

Last night I chuckled as I reflected on my day, a day not nearly as busy as some, a day that wasn't as packed minute to minute as tomorrow promises to be, yet still my 
roles constantly changed throughout it.  I have a feeling it will look familiar to most of you...

It started as usual, getting up in the dark, packing lunches, making breakfast, making sure backpacks were packed and kids were dressed and sent off to school with a kiss and a prayer. 

I've been working quite a bit but the plan was to have a day at home, so I settled in for coffee and time with God, then hit the trail with two friends for exercise and conversation.  We walked four miles and talked nonstop as women do and need to do. We were almost back where we started when my phone rang.  It was the school asking if I could be there in an hour to work a half day.

There went my plans to catch up on housework, pick up groceries, and wash the gray right out of my hair!  We quickly finished our workout and I drove home with just enough time to jump in the shower, eat an early lunch while simultaneously putting on makeup and getting dressed, and get to school to teach second grade.  

When the bell rang and school was over, I gave snacks to my two little loves then sent Madi to art club and took Trev to the library where we worked on his homework and reading.  At 4:15 we headed home where I made another snack and spent most of the next two hours working with Madi on classroom homework, vocabulary homework, and reading.  By the time we finished Jimmy was home from work and I was rushing to get the kids out the door with my parents so he and I could head out for an overdue dinner date, just the two of us.

But there was a student in our youth group who had a basketball game and Jimmy wanted to go out to support him, so first we headed off to the high school gymnasium and cheered him on and after they won the game we headed to Carrabba's for adult conversation over hot minestrone soup, fresh Caprese salad, and a shared steak.

However, since I ended up working and we had no milk, orange juice, cereal, etc., we had to stop at the store on the way home and ended our date night standing in the world's slowest checkout line.  (This is real life romance here!)  Since we hadn't ordered dessert, I picked up some frozen yogurt and was looking forward to enjoying some later, that is if didn't melt already while waiting in that crazy line.

It was late when we finally got home, and I got to work putting away the groceries and folding a gigantic pile of laundry that left me with about 10 missing socks.  Seriously. And if my day hadn't been reflective enough of a day in the life of a woman, I ended the night by accidentally singlehandedly eating that entire pint of frozen yogurt straight from the carton. Oops.

This stuff of being a woman.

It's a multi-faceted, often complicated journey.

It is no wonder we sometimes talk out loud to ourselves!

But we're in this thing together, girls.

And here's a reminder as we face the rest of this day, and the next and the next and all each one holds for us...in God's strength, we can do this. 

When the spinning becomes dizzying, He is the equilibrium that steadies us.

So spin on, smiling starfish, spin on!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

When Christmas Doesn't Go Quite As Planned

Well, December flew by and Christmas arrived and we lit candles and worshiped and sang of Jesus and His birth.  Then gifts were exchanged and Santa came and unfortunately so did the flu, so some festivities have been delayed and things are very low key around here right now, though yesterday morning was still full of childlike wonder and for that I am so thankful.

It hurts your heart anytime your children are sick.  When they spend Christmas Eve on the couch or lie down in the middle of opening presents on Christmas Day, your heart breaks a little.  It could be so much worse though, I realize that.  Many suffer far, far worse than we do this Christmas.  And honestly, this year's dose of sickness doesn't hold a candle to our worst Christmas ever that I told you about last year.

We have, however, spent the last few days putting our little loves in cool baths to lower high fevers (even as I type I am praying for a fever to break), wiping away tears and holding buckets, finding kids who haven't taken naps in years sound asleep on the couch.  It has been sad.  It's not what we had planned.  But it is okay.

Because we are together.  We are watching I Love Lucy (Santa brought each of them a new season in their stockings!) and Disney movies and building Legos and playing American Girl hospital.  We are drinking hot tea and wearing comfy clothes and pj's and listening to Christmas music and enjoying this blessed season.

Because actually, the Christmastide/Yuletide that we sing about is from December 24th to January 6th from what I've read.  I like that, because growing up we didn't rush right out of Christmas (of course we didn't start it until after Thanksgiving in those days either).  We let the season linger a little bit.  The week or two after Christmas there would still be gatherings and open houses and trees would still be lit and gifts still on display.  Christmas music would still be playing in homes and everyone would be wearing new clothes and playing with new toys and still caught up in the spirit of giving and celebration and fellowship.

Which is why my decorations usually stay up a little into January and why I really enjoy the week after Christmas.  Honestly, with school getting out so very close to Christmas this year and the sickness that has hit our home the past couple days, I am praying everyone gets well quickly to enjoy some of the Christmas traditions we haven't gotten to yet throughout the next week.

 To catch up on Christmas a bit, if you will.

That's where we are right now.

And wherever you are, whether you've already packed Christmas away until next year or you are going to join me in letting the season linger a little longer, I hope yesterday was special.  I hope you were given a fun surprise and gave something special to someone you love.  I hope you ate delicious food and were surrounded by love and happiness.

Most of all, I hope this Christmas season you encountered Jesus.  I hope you worshiped at His manger throne and made your heart His Bethlehem.  I hope you remembered how very much He loves you, and how love came down that starry night.

It's not too late.

Come and adore Him.  Let Him wrap you in love and fill you with the joy of the season.

After all, He is what this beautiful season is all about.

Actually, He is what everything is about.

It's all about you, Jesus.

Thank you for coming, and for bidding us come.