A Snapshot From The Blurry Years

I have been thinking about an old photo from a season I affectionately call The Blurry Years, and found it the other night.  I've been in an old photo sort of mood, probably because Madi recently turned eight and birthdays make me nostalgic.  

Why do I refer to this season as The Blurry Years?  In April of 2005, I had an unexpected C-section at 36 weeks pregnant because of a very serious condition called HELLP Syndrome.  We had a rough start, this beautiful baby Madi and I, and just when we were getting the hang of things I found out I was having another baby.  I remember we waited until her first birthday to share the news. It was Easter time and I sang 5 nights in a Passion Play, praying each time I got up for my song that I wouldn't throw up because my morning all day sickness was so bad.  I remember being so sick the day of her Little Einstein 1st birthday party.  Six and half months later our handsome Trevor entered the world, and this time the C-section was routine.  But he had severe (let me re-emphasize severe) acid reflux and I was sick a lot his first year, with symptoms randomly mimicking those of malaria according to several doctors (wish I was joking).  We made it through his season of crying and projectile vomit and my season of spiking 104 degree fevers, flu-like symptoms, and other health issues. Then two days before his first birthday, we made a major move from familiar Maryland to our new life in Florida, which would prove to be a defining and refining time in our lives.

We were building a home so we lived in a lovely rental house for the first ten months of our time in Florida; however, this house was completely out of the way from everyone and everything we were involved with.  I spent most days by myself with the kids, surrounded by boxes since we didn't want to fully unpack, knowing we would soon be moving again.  In the rental we conquered potty training which meant we were down to only one child in diapers, and moved Madi from the crib to the big girl bed.  We swam in the beautiful pool, baked and decorated cookies, made our first Disney visits, played in a new playhouse on the back porch that Santa delivered, snuggled up with paci's and favorite books and videos.  It was a sweet time with my two precious babies - but when I try to remember it, things are blurry around the edges.  It's hard for me to recall details of that season.  God was teaching me to thrive amidst the changes and challenges and my new role as mother of two, but there were days when I was just plain trying to survive.  

The reason I share The Blurry Years with you?

Because I know from the feedback I get that many who read this small blog are moms of little ones.  Many of you are living your own blurry years. You are women in the season of nursing and diapers and tantrums and first steps and baby giggles and reading the same books over and over and new adventures and major life changes. You are learning to embrace the God-given role of mothering, a role that will both tear your heart wide open and make you bubble over with laughter like no other.

Now back to the photo...

I love this photo for so many reasons.

*the penguin Christmas socks our friend Jeannie gave me that date this photo as taken in December, 2006, the month of our worst Christmas ever

*that it was taken in our first home, a sunny little townhouse where we laid the foundation for our marriage and family

*the paper decorated with stickers on the table, and the one lone sticker stuck to the table

*the I'm a Big Sister book on the ground I had been reading with the new big sister in our house 

*Madi's comfy Nick and Nora lamb pj's my mom bought for her, and how that girl would have stayed in her pj's all day if I had let her (and some days did)

*that Madi is holding Ellie, who was a very important pink elephant in our home

*the random roll of toilet paper strewn across our carpet

*the fact that when I turned my back to tend to baby Trevor, Madi tried to help herself to a bowl of Cheerios

*the fact that not one Cheerio made it into the bowl, but the remainder of the whole box made it onto Trevor's baby blanket

*that even though my blurry world was spinning, before I cleaned up the mess I stopped to take a photo, so I know I was still me even though it's hard to remember

*that we made it

And so will you, dear mom.

Survive, but let God gently teach you how to thrive.

Hang on, but let go and enjoy.

Take a deep breath, but take time to exhale.

And grab the camera, because one day it's going to help you remember.