{Gifts 32-55}

#32 - back porch basketball games

#33 - sharing the simple pleasure of the "little black dress" with her

#34 - the opportunity to teach her class for a couple of days

#35 - breathing in the scent of their freshly shampooed hair

#36 - family dinners around our table

#37 - praying for someone in need we don't know, explaining to them why we pray for people in need even if we don't know them, hearing him pray tonight "for the boy I don't know...knowing God hears those prayers

#38 - that song, that one song that you can't stop playing, and what it does to your soul

#39 - when God whispers grace on your heart in the middle of the day at school

#40 - 2 Samuel 22:31

#41 - breezes at recess

#42 - prayers at 11:11

#43 - feeling a hug around your knees at school and looking down to see the precious face of a three year old who asks, "When will you teach my twass again?"

#44 - chocolate, enough said

#45 - a more organized closet (finally faced that challenge)

#46 - tons of laundry finished, and not worrying that the baskets will still never be empty

#47 - slowly learning to remain and rest

#48 - the fragrance and taste of the pork roast that had cooked away in my crockpot all day while I was working

#49 - hearing and watching my daughter bravely and joyfully speak into a microphone to testify of her recent salvation and baptism

#50 - salmon and tuna and vegetables and olives

#51 - making it through an incredibly busy week and knowing it is because of His strength

#52 - his massage when my head ached

#53 - all the beautiful weather that blessed us with a much welcomed lower utilities bill

#54 - the incredibly encouraging message from someone faraway that came at exactly the right time

#55 - stopping to breathe and realizing once more that it's all grace

For these and more, I am thankful....

Imparting Grace {2013}

Impart: to communicate, to bestow.

Synonyms: give - communicate - convey - transmit - inform.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace 

to the hearers.

Ephesians 4:29

Imparting grace.

I couldn't help but think that these two words would make a good goal for 2013.

I read that passage yesterday morning in a study relating to marriage.

Yikes.

Because honestly, isn't it all too easy to be the least grace-filled in our homes to the people we love the most?

I want my home to be a place where I impart grace.

I want my daily sphere of influence to be a space where I impart grace.

I want this little corner of the blog world to be 

a place where I impart grace.

It starts with the choosing.

And if there is anything I learned in 2012, it is that life is about choosing.

Choosing love over throwing my hands up and walking away, choosing faithfulness to serve when I'm a little (or a lot) exhausted, choosing kindness and compassion when I'd rather choose frustration and indifference, choosing holiness over sin even when it isolates, choosing excellence when mediocrity comes calling.

Choosing to let go and give things to God when I want to hold on too tightly.  Choosing to get up and face each day armed with the Word of God ready to put the needs of my family and the needs of others before my own, and let me tell you, it's not always easy.

But it is what pleases the heart of God and makes me more like Jesus. 

I am certainly still in process.  I don't always do this well.  My heart is not always that of a servant, and I am ashamed to say I sometimes I complain.

As we enter a new year,  I am going to try to make this a theme of my heart and life, the essence of my communication.

Choosing daily to impart grace.

It is sure to be a challenge, but a rewarding one.

2013, here we go.

Small Changes and Autumn Beauty

Small changes can make a big difference.

Take these plain battery operated candles, for instance.  They were given to me years ago and I am always putting them in new places or adding festive touches.

This season a scrap of burlap and some stickers gave them a harvest makeover...

Such an easy, low-cost, but lovely change!

I am also enjoying the simple beauty of this stained glass I got for $2 at a yard sale....

As well as some other little touches, old and new, that have turned our house into a harvest home.

I am not an artist, but when painting with the kids one day I painted this canvas as an act of worship.  The strokes are simplistic but the meaning significant to me as it reflects the journey of grace God has been taking me on.

The ladies of the church surprised my mom and me with these gift baskets last Sunday.  Their act of thoughtfulness was so touching.  I have been enjoying these treats and my new Creamy Pumpkin candle...

Autumn beauty lights my green chair corner and reminds me that I am loved, which is a huge gift.

Change.  Create.  Notice.  Delight.

Sacred Scars And Faces Of Grace

It's interesting how some of us, whether by nature or nurture or some complex combination of both, live as pursuers of perfection and pleasers of people, carrying the heavy weight of expectation on our shoulders but wearing the brightest of smiles on our faces.

We were the girls with straight A's, the girls who actually cried when we got the occasional B and marveled how some could float through school just passing by yet seemed so unworried and free.

We were the mediators of our childhood friendships, trying to keep everyone happy. Trying to keep everyone happy would be a frustrating but constant companion of ours.

We were involved in everything, and excelled at much.  We received many ribbons and awards.  Ironically, in our own heads we never quite measured up.  We were incredibly aware of second place ribbons and first runner up positions.  Those were failures rather than successes in our minds.

We grew up to be women, women who wanted to excel and most of all, women who wanted to please.

God has been teaching me just how deep my desire to please people runs.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, 

I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10

I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother.  And my dream came true, beautifully true.  I am a wife to a wonderful husband and mother to two incredible children.  It is bliss, passion, teamwork, belly laughter, adventures and outings, creativity and color, magical moments.

But sometimes it is not.  

And sometimes at the end of the day, no one seems to be very happy with me at all.

So I internalize and strive and sometimes unexpected tears fall onto my pillow.

Cease striving and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10a

Not only am I a wife, I am the wife of a pastor.  I count it a privilege to be a pastor's wife.  I have led people to worship, I have led people to Jesus.  I have mentored, taught, helped, given, counseled, and enjoyed the sweetest of fellowship.  It is a noble and beautiful calling.

But being a pastor's wife is not always easy.

In fact, sometimes it is very hard.

And any of us could tell you that we privately carry the weight of heavy burdens and a load of secret hurts.  Our pain is very personal, often handled undercover and stamped confidential.

There came a season when I started to come undone.  So I would cry in the shower for after all, isn't that the safest place to cry? And it was excruciatingly painful but it was also exquisitely beautiful because for the first time this pleaser realized that my most sincere and valiant efforts were futile, and in my brokenness and helplessness I experienced an unbelievable intimacy with my Savior.

He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, 

and familiar with pain.

Isaiah 53:3a

I would start to understand that God wanted me to cry out to Him like a hurt little girl to her daddy, to run sobbing into His arms.  I experienced His sweet comfort and presence.

"So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”

Romans 8:15

I would bear wounds from others, but God would sovereignly turn them into sacred scars.  I experienced His gentle healing.

 For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus.

Galatians 6:17b

I would begin to face the day's responsibilities and complexities with more inspiration than expectation.  I experienced His unspeakable joy.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.

My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

Psalm 28:7

I would forgive others, and I would also start to forgive myself for not being perfect, which in clearer terms meant I started accepting Christ's finished work for me on the cross.  In this finality I would experience His breathtaking freedom.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 8:36

Then I would experience some of His richest blessings when I least expected it.  I would open a wounded, weary heart up to a few friends, old and new.  And these women would become the faces of grace to me.

One day I would even find myself sitting make-up free across from one of these women, sharing coffee and hidden heart places while a baby fussed and cooed, and I would tell this friend I sometimes cry in the shower and instead of being disappointed in me, I would see her eyes fill with tears because, guess what, sometimes she does too.

We're all in desperate need of a Savior.

Even those of us with a pile of almost perfect report cards and dusty ribbons tucked away in some corner of our home or hearts.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

And when we start to taste and see, when we cease striving and start receiving, when we accept the grace of Jesus we tell others about as being for us too, brokenness tears apart a seemingly seamless place inside us.  It gets a little messy. We start to allow tears we've held back for far too long to flow.  We discover the open arms of our Abba Father.  We discover the open arms of a grace-filled friend.

Honestly, we discover grace.

The wonderful and matchless grace of Jesus.

The one that, like we sang about as children, is broader than the scope of my transgressions.  The one that is deeper than the mighty rolling sea.

The one that can take away my burden and set my spirit free.

This is my story. This is my testimony of grace.

The wonderful grace of Jesus is reaching me.

And His grace can reach you too.

Yes, you - beautiful, broken you.

One day, your scars will tell a story.

Your story.

Your own unique testimony of your journey towards grace.

Open your arms wide in surrender and let Him take you on the journey.

Oh, if there is one thing in life I could help encourage you to do, here it is.

Let Jesus take you to grace.

Gingerbread And Grace For Our Best And Worst Moments

She was sick when we picked her up from school yesterday, with an out of the blue fever that I think was the worst part of an old-fashioned cold.  Her tears fell from discomfort, and I put her immediately in the bathtub and then in fresh pajamas on the couch once we arrived home.  She stayed there most of the evening while I stayed close by, putting out our fall decorations.  She slept with me last night and at 4:30, her restlessness woke me up.  The fever was climbing again.  A dose of medicine, some water, and a little while later, we both got a bit more sleep.

Once the boys were off this morning, I had the unexpected treat of spending the day uninterrupted with her.  Errands would have to wait, for she needed to rest at home. With all the sights and scents of autumn surrounding us, there was a tangible warmth and coziness in the air.

I mixed up some gingerbread batter and put it in the oven to bake.  We looked at her American Girl catalog, dreaming and wishing.  All of a sudden she said, "Something smells like Christmas in here!"  Her surprise and delight when I showed her the warm-out-of-the-oven treat made me smile on the inside.  I made us a tray of gingerbread and cinnamon tea, and we sipped and savored while watching Little Women, being transported together again into the enchanting world of the March girls.  We laughed, cried, imagined, and were mesmerized by the beautiful musical score.  The moment was real, it was alive, it was sugar and spice and everything nice, just how she is.

Well, how she is most of the time that is.  And when she isn't we learn together, for sometimes I guide her gently with wisdom, and other times I am impatient.  Sometimes neither one of us are sugar or spice or as nice as we should be in our responses and reactions and on the harder days, when I lay my weary head down and wonder why on earth do I yell, I ask God to forgive me and guide me gently and give me wisdom.

"He will feed His flock like a shepherd; 

He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, 

And gently lead those who are with young." 

Isaiah 40:11 

You see, I am still learning of grace, both how to give it and how to accept it.  Accepting grace isn't always easy for a girl like me.  It is far easier to believe God loves me when I am the happy mom pulling the surprise pan of gingerbread out of the oven than when I am the exhausted, crabby, overwhelmed mom.

The mystery is that He sees both and loves me still.

Just as I know her best days and worst days, yet love her more than a heart can contain.

And just how God knows your brightest and darkest moments but loves you. He extends His grace to you.  At your best, and at your worst. That's the whole point, really.  We are not sufficient of ourselves, no matter how good we are.  We need Him.

"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God..."

2 Corinthians 3:5

Today was a good day.  The sweetest of days.  One of those days you want to memorize, tuck in your back pocket so you can pull it out and remember clearly the warmth, the closeness, the tenderness, the scents, the softness, the sounds, the serenity.

The love.

The moment.

The beautiful, remarkable grace.

"And it's only time, but it flies right by, 

and today is sweeter than we know..."

Francesca Battistelli

"When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half-done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,

Our Father's full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,

His power has no boundaries known unto men,

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again."

Annie J. Flint